I really want to tell you about how I was the kid in class who always concentrated and never slacked off. Well I can't, because I, like the rest of my fellow teens, rejoiced whenever I learnt that "today's lesson will be in the ICT room" or at the idea that the class after a mind-numbingly boring Physics lesson was ICT. ICT meant fun; a rest from a heavy day of boring lessons... and even though my ICT teacher was the kindest soul you could ever meet, she wasn't going to make Microsoft Excel more enjoyable than a game where you make a Dolphin jump so high from the sea that it reaches Pluto. So, without further delay, here's a list of crappy flash games that myself and other students (and maybe even yourself) used to play instead of doing IT work.
Dolphin Olympics 2 (Play It Here)
This game took the classroom by storm, and that's why I put it first on the list. I don't know why, it was basically just the first area of Ecco The Dolphin but shit. Basically everyone got competitive to see how high you could get the dolphin to jump out of the ocean. By doing this you could see fireworks, The Moon, Mars, a Nebula, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, and finally, if you really wanted to put your work off for an entire lesson trying to reach it, a space diner.
N (Play It Here)
Man, this brings back memories. Not any interesting memories, but still memories. N or N game as we all called it, was the first game everyone was playing when all the new fancy Windows XP computers got installed at our high school. It's kind of like an early version of Super Meat Boy, basically die repeatedly until you finally master a level. A kid in my class had a laptop that he used in lessons because he had dyslexia and we used to watch him and another guy take turns playing it during break times. I remember he got caught playing it during a geography lesson too. Silly fool.
Line Rider (Play It Here)
There were a lot of games that people played that I really didn't understand the hype about at the time but looking back I guess this one was cool. You basically draw weird line courses for a little wooly hatted sledger to navigate with the arrow keys. Pretty basic really, but for some reason my classmates couldn't get enough of this shit.
Kitty Cannon (Play It Here)
In this game you fire defenceless kittens out of a cannon and see how far they go, with mines, TNT and trampolines being the things that propel them even further when landed on. Don't let the little kitty get impaled on the sharp spikes though, because that means the game ends and you have to try again to get a better distance and beat your score... hours of fun to be had here! Wait a second, isn't this just cartoon animal cruelty? Why did I play this game again? PETA went after Pokémon, but they would have a heart attack if they saw Kitty Cannon.
Yeti Sports (Play It Here)
More animal abuse in the form of crude flash entertainment. Basically Kitty Cannon but even worse and even more dated.
The Impossible Quiz (Play It Here)
Like most of the other games on this list, this was all based on trial and error, as well as memory. Its basically a quiz with a load of trick questions and weird solutions. It was kind of clever actually, but at the same time highly frustrating if you just fancy a casual bit of procrastination and not something really heavy going.
Helicopter Game (Play It Here)
This one is a classic. It's basically the same gameplay that Flappy Bird made popular many years later, except you hold and release the left mouse button instead of the rapid clicking that Flappy Bird requires. Not exactly an engrossing experience but something you can always rely on as an easy distraction from any type of work.
Interactive Buddy (Play It Here)
I used to love this stupid game. You're basically presented a window with a little guy in it made up of 3D spheres. You can, as the name says, interact with him. You can toss him a baseball, shake his hand, mess around with gravity to make him float and... you can punch him. In fact, it feels like this whole game is designed around the act of tormenting this little dude. You can throw grenades at him, flamethrower him and hit him with a medieval flail. Although it isn't all terrible because you can pay in-game money to change your buddy to look like George Bush (and Tinky Winky from nightmareish children's TV show Teletubbies for some reason). You have to get more money to get more items though. This game was interesting for about 10 minutes until my friend figured out how to get a shit tonne of money simply by abusing the 'explode on click' item that you can buy. Just turn it on and click the mouse as fast as you can and watch as your buddy lags across the screen and your money increases. Game mastered. Next.
Dealer (Play It Here)
This is what the edgy kids in my class who thought they were intellectually superior because they listened to Nirvana played for a week because apparently having extensive knowledge on drugs at the age of 14 is cool. All I remember was that this game is really hard and focuses around the buying and selling of drugs and that you had to keep trying and failing to rob the bank at the start of the game if you wanted any chance of actually getting anywhere in the game. I probably don't need to stress this, but don't do drugs, kids.
Love Hina: Sim Date RPG (Play It Here)
When I say that we all played the games on this list, then this one was one I kept all to my self. You see, I was too cool for those generic-ass games my classmates were playing. I was a massive anime fan, which means I was intellectually superior in every way to my peers (I'm being ironic of course). Anyway, while everyone was playing utter bullshit like OE-Cake!, I was playing this game that was also utter bullshit but it had kawaii waifus in it. It was a fan game based on the absolutely dreadful Love Hina anime (dreadful because the manga is 100 million times better in every regard). You just go around the Hinata Inn and the town surrounding it, fighting people and getting money and shit so you can impress the girls of Love Hina and go on dates with them with the main aim being to woo the girl of your choice. From what I remember the game was stupidly difficult so I just wacked on the money cheat, the cheat that made all stats 100 and the cheat that gave you all the unlockable moves at the start of the game and after that it was super easy to breeze through. Looking back I realise that this game was kind of obnoxious from start to finish and the dialogue is either nonsensical or just completely over the top. One of the first things your in-game mother says to you is: 'if you don't get up and find your self [sic] a fucking job I'll stab you in the temple with some forceps'. It's so completely unecessary it hurts. Also, the game breaks the fourth wall way too much to the point where it just becomes really really annoying. An example is when Naru says 'I am the best character in the game'. Sure have these cheeky little fourth wall breaking moments hidden away as easter eggs but not during main scenes of the game. Love Hina (the manga) was hilarious in its own subtle, clever way and this game just completely dropped the ball in that department. I'd say stay far away from this one but I have to put the 'Play It Here' link next to the title for the sake of continuity so do whatever you desire but remember I told you to play it at your own risk. If you want something better to do read the Love Hina manga or play a real visual novel like Clannad or Rewrite.
What are some games you played instead of doing the work that you had been set by your ICT teacher? Do these games make you thankful for game consoles and Steam? Let us know in the comments section below, or by using our Facebook or Twitter pages.
