Weird Recipes 101: The Bachelor Abomination Ramen Sandwich

Warning: This meal is incredibly bad for you. But then again, some of the best things in life aren't always good for you, take Burritos for example.

It is often thought that instant noodles are the saviour of students and lazy cookers alike, and that would be right. There is nothing so perfectly easy and simple as a block of noodles that you put in hot water and add flavoured powder to. Meals in minutes with minimal effort, that is the future of food. God help us all. Anyway, the problem with noodles is that if you eat them constantly, they can grow a little boring. If only there was another way to enjoy this unhealthy treat. Well fear not ladies and gentlemen, Alt:Mag has you covered. Taking influence from the Japanese treat of yakisoba-pan, which involves stuffing noodles into a hot-dog bun, I decided to get creative and invent the 'Bachelor Abomination Ramen Sandwich'.

What you're going to need:
  • Instant Noodles
  • A plastic Tupperware container (or some kind of big bowl that can you can fit two slices of bread into).
  • Two slices of bread.
  • Two slices of cheese (preferably cheese that melts easily).
  • Two slices of meat.
  • That cooking utensil you grab things with... Tongs!
  • A saucepan.
  • A cullender.
  • 500ml of boiling water.
  • A plate.
  • A knife and fork.
  • Yourself.

What you're going to do: 

Step 1: Get your instant noodles (I used Nissin's Chicken Demae Ramen, but you could use Super Noodles or other similar brands, just make sure they come with flavoured powder!) and cook them in a saucepan for the amount of time that the packet tells you, just be sure to cook them in 500ml of boiling water. Break up those noodles with your fork and stir them like a boss. While they are cooking, place your two slices of bread (I used granary because I wanted to feel a least a little bit better about the unhealthiness of the food I was preparing) into the bottom of your plastic Tupperware container.

Step 2: When the instant noodles have finished cooking, take them off the heat and pour the contents of the saucepan into your cullender, with the Tupperware container -complete with slices of bread- directly below it. The soup will pour into the container soaking the bread slices. Carefully, use the tongs to move the bread around making sure it soaks up all the soup.

Step 3: Leave the bread to soak for a second or two, then carefully lift one of the soggy slices out of the container and place it on a plate. Put a slice of meat on the bread (I used ham, but you can use whatever you want. Even if you remove the meat entirely the end result will still be tasty, so if you are vegetarian do not worry!), then on top of the meat place a slice of cheese. After that, carefully (notice how the word 'carefully' keeps coming into this a lot, you don't want to make a mess now do you? Cleaning up = extra effort later.) use the tongs to grab a load of noodles and place them on top of the cheese. You may have some noodles left over so just eat them on their own or think ahead and use the other half to make another sandwich. After you put your noodles on top of the cheese, put another slice of cheese on top of the noodles, then another slice of meat on top of the cheese. Then to finish, take your second soggy slice of bread and place it on top.  

Step 4: VoilĂ ! You have created the Bachelor Abomination Ramen Sandwich! The bread and noodles, having soaked up the flavoured soup will now taste even tastier (in my case, of chicken) and the cheese, if left for a moment will melt through the hot noodles. Now all that is left to do is enjoy! Be sure to use a knife and fork instead of picking it up if you want to avoid a mess. Maybe even try adding your favourite condiments to make things even more interesting.

The new king of student food.

Step 5: Actually I lied, there is one thing left to do, and that is called cleaning up after yourself, sorry. You've got to take the bad with the good, right?

Don't be that one house mate.

Final thoughts: I basically imagined that this meal would be so disgusting it'd put me off food forever. It turned out to be -in the words of Peter Kay- a taste sensation. I will have to exercise a bit before I have another one though. I can feel my insides rotting away as I type this.

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