Eat Your Heart Out: Kabuto Noodles (Review)

When Alt:Mag started we were more of a 'lad's mag' for nerds. We often threw around the jokey phrase 'bachelors' to describe our team and our readers. What is a bachelor? Well, just a dude who likes to live a semi-lazy lifestyle. We are all busy doing nerdy things and creating cool shit so we don't have time to make food, duh.

As I am now the definitive definition of a bachelor as I am now a scummy university student (some of the other guys on the Alt:Mag team are in their second year of super-scumminess) I am really determined to bring back that same feeling back to our magazine and website, so I think I will be doing some food reviews alongside everything else. We can't talk about obscure games all the time now, can we?  I shall call this section 'Eat Your Heart Out'. Pun-alishous, I know. And no, it doesn't mean to literally eat one's heart, that would be silly.

Today I am going to review instant noodles... those things you put hot water in to and eat while pretending to seem sophisticated and knowledgeable about asian culture. I have eaten different ones over time, some being good and some being not so good. There are two categories of instant noodles really, the ones like Pot Noodle and Super Noodle which are just literally noodles with different flavours, then ones like Nissin and Maruchan go for more authentic styles and flavours.

Kabuto is one of the brands that goes for that Asian authenticity. Even the name is Japanese, a Kabuto is the helmet that Samurai wore. According to their website, they are trying to fill a gap in the market, that gap being in quality between the noodles he enjoyed in restaurants and those he saw for sale in the supermarket. The company get much respect for this from me, as I can really understand where they are coming from.

So what does Alt:Mag have to say?
Well, I tried each flavour, of which there are three. There is Chicken Ramen, Beef Pho and Miso Ramen. I got hold of these at Waitrose (I'm quite posh, aren't I?) for I think something between £2.00 to £3.00, I can't remember completely. Anyway, I saw what the pot said, and it promised something rather authentic. Each pot promised a different and individual flavour. Kabuto definitely did not live up to their promise though.
There were plenty of noodles in each pot which was fantastic, but the flavours provided just didn't leave my mouth watering for more. When I ate a pot, instead of feeling like I was eating the 'nectar of the gods' (this is how I feel when eating most noodles) I instead felt like I was simply going through the motions, like I have to finish the noodles, all the way down to the bottom of the pot, just because I took the time (like 2 minutes or something) making them. The noodles were way too over seasoned, and this seasoning overpowered the flavour of the soup that carried the flavour promised on the pot. Also, the coriander just doesn't complement the flavour of the Chicken Ramen at all, and when it comes down to it, all three flavours were incredibly bland, overpriced and tasted virtually the same.

Kabuto Noodles get one and a half bachelor pads out of 5. Bah humbug.

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