Let's Talk About: British Wedding Playlists

I know we've all seen the hilarious footage of Peter Kay talking about Weddings from his 'Live At The Bolton Albert Halls' comedy DVD (if you haven't seen that DVD, watch it here) but I think it is worth discussing about a few things that the great man didn't touch on in detail.

So as kids me and my cousins couldn't dance worth a dog's tail, but we definitely partook in the activity of sliding on our knees. We found condom machines hilarious, and most weddings ended in tears because me and my cousins would declare war on the kids from the family of the unlucky bride or groom who was getting married. Some of my cousins tried to sneak in toy guns, tech decks and one of my cousins even tried to sneak in a Game Boy Advance. We got away with it most of the time.

But the most memorable thing was the music that didn't seem to differ from wedding to wedding. No matter where I went the same overplayed songs from the 90's and early 00's would be cheekily slipped in between recent chart hits and after so many years of hearing them, I wish they'd slide away quietly.

Angels by Robbie Williams
Well, this is nearly always played during the 'couple's dance'. However, being honest, I have to say that this is one of those songs that is too way too obvious. It's like listening to I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas before a night out, you just don't do it. If I was in love with somebody I would try and find a song that would address the greatness of our relationship in a less blatant manner. But then again I am a hipster so what can I say really. Not knocking Robbie though, the song is incredibly beautiful.

Livin' La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin
Dat late 90's production. Dat incredibly put-on masculine voice. Another song from the 'Now That's What I Call Music' era that made me hate music. Sure, this song is kind of catchy, but it is just... I dunno... too bubble-gummy.

Cha Cha Slide by DJ Casper and Time Warp (from The Rocky Horror Picture Show)
AKA, 'songs that you should remember dance moves for but don't because you are not a girl'. These ones are all about the dance moves, even lyrically. When songs like this came on I would either sit out on it or try and copy what the person next to me was doing. I always found myself squeezed on to the edge of the dance floor which meant that when I did a 'left foot let's stomp' and took a 'jump to the left' I would find myself going off the dancefloor, and for us lads with obsessive compulsive disorder that can cause some major issues.

New York, New York by Frank Sinatra
Dagnabbit. The amount of times I've heard this song played at weddings is absolutely ridiculous. It is without fail always the song that plays last at any British wedding disco. The 'grand finale', if you will. There is no better way to end a wedding disco taking place in some grubby venue in Manchester than with a song about a huge city in North America. I was always relieved when this song ended because every stupid DJ my family hired would always insist on saying before each song towards the end of his 'generic and overplayed' playlist that "this is the last song now" ...and then it wouldn't be. I think DJ Keith might be a compulsive liar.

In conclusion, this list of songs just leans me even more towards the decision to hire a band for my wedding, if I ever have one. Maybe I could hire Jimmy Eat World to perform at my wedding like Tom Delonge from blink-182 did... in my dreams, more like.

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